The other day I met the COO of the company, and the CEO of one of our consultants. I'm getting used to my director taking me to these meetings as a replacement of my departed boss. What I'm NOT getting used to is the faces of these (mostly men), 30 yrs older than me, being told that I am the project manager. HA! At the end of almost every meeting, they ask inevitably the same question: "So... should we send this information to.... (look around uncertainly)... Nutty Princess?" To which my Director smiles broadly, says yes, and reassures them that I have some brain cells (literally, he says brain cells.)
Don't worry, I want to tell them, it's ridiculous to me as well. What I have to learn- and quickly- is gaining their respect. Even if that's even possible. That means learning a lot of corporate lingo quickly, and navigating personalities and politics. "Building relationships," as any good leadership book would tell you. Something I'm not quite used to. What does that exactly mean? Go around the office chatting people up? Taking everyone out for drinks? Watching a game (sadly, NP only watched tennis and knows nothing else...)?
Tonight it's Friday and I'm at home. Which is rare-- usually I like to work hard and party hard. At this point though, I truly am a bit tired. I just want to sleep and sleep and stop thinking about work. It really consumes my thoughts. On the flip side, I do love my job. Even if my gross incompetence gets me fired, I figure it's a good experience for someone my age to have.
So as I write on my couch, I've got the TV on to "Say Yes to the Dress," indulging in every girly fancy I have. Before putting on my hard-ass face and going to the office. My hard-ass face is not quite hard or stern, which is something I suppose I'd need to work on as well.
Friday
Saturday
Unpredictability
This was one of the hardest weeks of my life. I've absorbed so much information from my job (in preparation for my new, unexpected role) I'm quite confused at this point. I have more questions to ask my departing boss (who by the way told me the other day to relax and stop putting so much pressure on myself. Easy for him to say. He's been here 8 years. I gave up benefits to take a 1-yr job with no experience and with people already turning to me for answers). I spent today fighting with Bwoy, sleeping and crying, reading some material for work that made me confused, getting depressed about it, and eating ice cream to make myself feel better. I haven't run in almost 3 weeks because I haven't signed up for a gym and I feel terrible about it. I'm becoming a dumb, fat blob. (That is far from the truth. I just feel that way). To top it off with a nice big cherry, I get to go bridal shopping with my bff. I love her to death, but I know it will affect me in a big way. And by big, I mean bad.
The next few months will hold some big changes. I'm moving, my job will consume my sanity, and I probably will continue to annoy Bwoy with my whining. Life is so unpredictable.
The next few months will hold some big changes. I'm moving, my job will consume my sanity, and I probably will continue to annoy Bwoy with my whining. Life is so unpredictable.
Tuesday
Is this really happening to me? Part I
I started my new job in science policy. And I love it. Love it with a capital L.
I also feel like a fish out of water.
Here I am, a trained engineer, a lowly junior engineer used to sitting in front of computers with my spreadsheets. In my engineering jobs, I’d be lucky enough to get invited to meetings, and they were usually design meetings where we discussed whether we should dredge 1 million cubic yards out of a river, or whether we should dredge 3 million cubic yards. Here I have a meeting every day accompanying my boss, in front of well-spoken, articulate folks who are at least 10 years older than me, and look like they are very used to ordering people around. They never talk design, they talk about “alliances,” and “task forces.” And they laugh, cajole each other, and have those important side conversations after the meeting. I sit mute, silently observing the political plays. These people have people skills. I don’t. How did I end up here? I must have given a damn good interview.
So I’m thinking all these things a week into my job. I am excited, because my boss has promised me that he would teach me these people skills (which, I have learned, includes knowing how to invite everyone to meetings so nobody gets left out). It’s very interesting and sometimes laughable when I think about how there is no dirty work, and it’s all memos and chats! Then I sober up and realize they still make more money than the next engineer.
One week of excitement and bliss. I happily read the material my boss sends my way, try and absorb some of the 5-6 ongoing projects he has going on. He seems busy, even overwhelmed at times, so I'm happy to be busy and assist and learn!
On day 7, my boss comes upto me to talk to me about some emails I should be sending out. "I have interesting news," says Boss. Oooh, I think, and I nod happily, thinking it might be a new miniproject I can finally take on. "I'm leaving," he says instead.
Panic ensues…
I also feel like a fish out of water.
Here I am, a trained engineer, a lowly junior engineer used to sitting in front of computers with my spreadsheets. In my engineering jobs, I’d be lucky enough to get invited to meetings, and they were usually design meetings where we discussed whether we should dredge 1 million cubic yards out of a river, or whether we should dredge 3 million cubic yards. Here I have a meeting every day accompanying my boss, in front of well-spoken, articulate folks who are at least 10 years older than me, and look like they are very used to ordering people around. They never talk design, they talk about “alliances,” and “task forces.” And they laugh, cajole each other, and have those important side conversations after the meeting. I sit mute, silently observing the political plays. These people have people skills. I don’t. How did I end up here? I must have given a damn good interview.
So I’m thinking all these things a week into my job. I am excited, because my boss has promised me that he would teach me these people skills (which, I have learned, includes knowing how to invite everyone to meetings so nobody gets left out). It’s very interesting and sometimes laughable when I think about how there is no dirty work, and it’s all memos and chats! Then I sober up and realize they still make more money than the next engineer.
One week of excitement and bliss. I happily read the material my boss sends my way, try and absorb some of the 5-6 ongoing projects he has going on. He seems busy, even overwhelmed at times, so I'm happy to be busy and assist and learn!
On day 7, my boss comes upto me to talk to me about some emails I should be sending out. "I have interesting news," says Boss. Oooh, I think, and I nod happily, thinking it might be a new miniproject I can finally take on. "I'm leaving," he says instead.
Panic ensues…
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