UNfriendly friends

Do you have a friend who you're not sure actually likes you? I have a friend like that. It's so strange. I like her a lot, and we have our moments of ease, but I think the problem lies with the fact that she's a bit socially awkward. She looks uncomfortable and embarassed a lot of the times, and I end up trying to fill in the gaps of silence (I probably talk too much, now that I think about it). We talk about various things, with me doing most of the talking and picking of topics. She's fairly quiet, and does get animated at certain points, but it's mostly me who's doing the prodding and joking. She'll look embarassed a lot, and shift her eyes all over the place, as if to signal she's afraid people are watching us. This in turn will make me think, o my god, is she embarassed to be seen with me? At the end of our "outings," she rushes off after an awkward hug and I'm left with the uncertain feeling that she didn't have fun at all. But then she'll email me and tell me what a great time she had. And that's another thing: She is much much better at being charming over email than in person. She sounds so much happier on email, punctuating her remarks with extremely uncharacteristic happy faces and exclamation points. (!!!)

I end up thinking, Is this the same person? Did we go out on the same "friend-date"?

Well, after all this overanalyzing, I've come to the conclusion that she does in fact like me. I mean, would a person actually suggest hanging out if they didn't like a person? Despite all external signs, I'll take her emails as justification of that. And if email didn't exist, then what...??

Imitation and why I'm uncomfortable with it

After blogging lovingly about Mofito (My Only Friend in The Office) and how it's so nice to have an ally amidst the politics that is known as The Office, it's about time for me to switch gears, get sick of her, and be promptly very irritated by her.

Why am I irritated lately? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and that is precisely what irritates me . . . .

Mofito has taken to doing everything I do. Period. End of sentence.

Some details, folks:
- when I speak to a coworker, she will sidle up next to me to listen and even join in the conversation. That is fine for some conversations, but not ALL conversations- especially PRIVATE ones!
- When I get chocolates for Little Boss (a conscious ploy to get on her good side), Mofito will ask if I want to split the cost of the chocolates. Um, no. It was MY idea (and plus I'll have to share the credit, goodness gracious).
- When I go to a restaurant with everyone, she asks me what I'm ordering and order the SAME thing.
- When we all go out to happy hour, she asks me what I'm drinking and gets the SAME drink.
- When I go out to lunch with a non-work-related-friend, Mofito will drop blatant hints to me that she wants to be invited. And then she'll resent that I had lunch without her. Um, this is a PRIVATE lunch.
- Also, she sort of takes my advice a little too seriously. For example, I'll tell her she should wear more tanktops in the heat and although she has never worn them in her life (as she claims) she'll buy one immediately. (I was half-joking! I don't care if she wears tanks or not!)

There is also some weird competitive vibe coming from her. She will try to weasel out what my raise was, what my bonus was. Those are things you do not push people to talk about- it's an unspoken Office rule. She will try to get the same mentor as me, and try to get involved in the same projects as me (which has nothing to do with what she does!- she's not an engineer).

Yes, I am a mean and petty person. I am also the baby of my family and have never been an older sibling. After much discussion, I believe it boils down to the fact that Mofito acts like my psuedo little sister:
- She wants to do what I do,
- she gets mad when I don't invite her to things,
- she takes my advice waaayyy too seriously.

Honestly, little sisters scare me. I get genuinely creeped out by people who actually LISTEN to my bullshit and wants to be like me. Hell there are plenty of times I don't want to be like me! Why in the world would someone want to be like me? I'm not fishing for compliments here- it's seriously hard for me to wrap my head around.

Anyway enough venting. I was pretty stressed out this week- what with having a sinus infection, telling my boss I was leaving the company (more on that later)- so I just put it all on Mofito. Now I suppose I'll act more sisterly and pretend I'm wise around her. That'll be a challenge unto itself. =)

Becoming a wing woman

Now that I am with Bwoy, I've noticed that my single friends love to take me to accompany them to bars and clubs. It's not that I never used to go when I was single- I went a decent amount- no, it's more that they seem more eager to literally drag me around like I was their little lapdog or something. This has only led me to conclude that the reasons why I end up being dragged around the city is as follows:

1. I am no longer on the market and therefore am not a competitor to my girlfriends as they flirt their way through the bar scene (although they will vigorously deny this and claim that they love me and that's why I am there with them);

2. I am an excellent wing woman.

To be honest, #2 has already been verbalized to me many many times. And to be even more honest, I think it has something to do with #1- my skills have been conveniently transferred from singledom to wingwomandom.

How did it start? How did I become someone's wing woman (a.k.a someone's bitch)?

Let's say you have two girls huddled around a bar, kindly rejecting offers of dancing and conversation from guys. One girl is fixated on her drink, the other on scanning boys. Girl Fixated on Boys sees a boy she finally likes. She wants him. Him alone. Specifically, Girl Fixated on Boys wants him to come over to buy her a drink. She starts to give him the "eye" (i.e., looking at him, looking away, looking and him and smiling, looking away, and so on). Unfortunately, the boy is either pretty dense or he is preoccupied talking to his male friend.

Girl Fixated on Boys: Ooooh, he's so cuuuuute!

Girl Fixated on Drink: Huh? Who?

B: Over there, in the red shirt. (flicks her head in his direction).

D (squinting): Oh. If you think so, I guess.

B: Ugh, this bar sucks. I'm gonna go over and talk to him.

D: Are you serious?

B: There's no guys here except for him.

D: Um, we're like the only girls here. We're in a sea of men.

B: Ugh! But they're all gross! He's the only decent one.

D: Oy vey.

B: I'm gonna go over to him.

D: What?

B: Well what else am I going to do? This place is going to close soon.

D: You're going to leave me here by myself??

B: Well he has a friend, you know.

D: What's that supposed to mean?

B: YOU can talk to his friend!

D: But I haven't finished my drink!

B: Oh, just bring it with you.

D (groaning): But I didn't come here to--

B: Oh come on! You already have a boyfriend. It'll be quick, I promise.

D: But I don't kno--

B (smiling): Pleeeease.

D: Awww jeez. Fine.

B: Okay, just distract his friend while I go talk to him.

D: Oh gosh. For how long?

B: Seriously. It'll take me five minutes.

D: Really?

B: Really. Now come on, girl! You're the best! (Smiling, turns towards the damned boy, dragging D behind her).

D: SIGH.

And that's how it started, folks. D= Girl Fixated on Drink = wing woman = NP.