Angry Bwoys

I picked a job. I chose a job of the type I used to do before, which in my mind means I am essentially returning the same old crap. I picked it over two very nice offers in DC—one that is internationally renowned, the other whose work I found very interesting. Why would I do that? For Bwoy.

So that’s legitimate. Lots of people pick jobs factoring in relationships. The job I picked was in NY so it meant I could be near him instead of away for another couple of years. During the decision making process, though, me and Bwoy have not been getting along. His impatient side has come out, exemplified in conversations where he is yelling at me to make a decision, while I sit silently on the other side, reduced to tears. It’s not nice. I understand that he’s stressed himself, and probably silently fuming that I would even consider a job that is not near him, but to treat me this way when I am making a big career decision in my life? He also started to say things like he felt like his needs were not being asserted in this relationship. What does that even mean? And why would you “discover” that after 5 years in this relationship?

After I made the decision last week and felt significant buyer’s remorse, he started yelling at me again. “Make a decision, and move forward,” he said. I understood his point. But again, he could have been kinder about it. I am not a robot, I am not even just his friend. I am his girlfriend, someone he supposedly wants to build a life with. Yes I have buyer’s remorse, but that is completely natural—I suppose I made the mistake of telling him about it. When he was making a similar decision, sure, I got impatient. But I never yelled at him for 15 minutes straight (at least I don’t think I did). I tried to talk to him more, made a trip to NY so that we could talk in person and figure out his plans. I helped him make plus minus charts, I tried not only to be there for him but to be kind, empathetic, and gentle. It’s important to be there for someone- and he has for me- but it is also important to be kind. This is just mean. I really don’t get it. Maybe he is just super duper uber stressed.

Or maybe I’ve turned him into an angry person. I don’t know. All I know is that fighting sucks. Bwoy is my first priority-- he should know that!