Turning point

Lately I've reached a turning point in my life. I wonder if everyone reaches it. My turning point is a realization that: b) it's best to be patient b) and/or have different expectations of life. I've done both. Patience is good for work, since nothing ever seems to go right in my research...but that's the nature of research, so patience is good. Different expectations stem from troubled spots in my life: my living situation, family, and people. Based on this odd combination that I've never experienced before, I've turned into a woman just yearning for peace. I don't want glory or even happiness that much anymore, just peace. And that involves believing I deserve nothing so that my heart doesn't get broken.

Disturbing enough? Yes. This all happened during the New Year when several factors propogated it. One, my family, which has its full share of problems and drama, but essentially we are good people and it's sad that bad things happen ... anyway, we try to carry on the bravest we can. But it made be realize that sometimes no matter how hard we pray or hope, help doesn't come at the right time, and so the best we can do is expect less, find some joy out of the darkness, and draw upon our own strength more. Two, Bwoy's family, who tell him I'm not good enough for him and that has not only pricked my world and morale but made me wonder whether more bad things await, i.e. will he eventually listen to their manipulations (based on meeting me a handful of times) and believe them himself? If you knock a coconut against a rock enough times, eventually it will crack.

You see, I've fought for so many things with my heart on the line, and it's been broken too many times already; and although it's mending, I still consider it fragile and I still need it for strength. Perhaps my turning point boils down to the fact that I tend to guard my heart more jealously now.
Perhaps its part of growing up.