sigh

back in chitown from a psuedo-vacation, and i get a million emails from my advisor reminding me that i should be finishing up my project. yes, i should, shouldn't i. the only problem is that ordering everything takes a long time and right before i left chicago he made a SIGNIFICANT change in the design of the project. which means i start all over again. the other problem is that this project is a completely new field, and with my aging brain and terrible indecision (stemming from lack of confidence perhaps?), and the fact that the design costs like a million dollars, one can understand that i am very slow with designing this thing.

i used to care whether he thought i was stupid or not (i think he's discovered the sad truth already) but now i just care about actually understanding what the hell i am designing. or do i? at this point, i'm just pissed off at the crappiness of this project, and i am desperately trying to drill up motivation and interest in finishing it. perhaps that's partly why i did so little work on it in december... i just didn't care anymore.

well, NP, time to put on your acting and self-motivation skills, and grind away to get this terrible thing out of the way. the sooner i finish, the sooner i can go onto more interesting things...