Emotions are so overrated

So the other day I had a wierd meltdown. On my bday. Let's just say I ended up getting a bit drunk, and then had a wierd text-fight with Bwoy. Which means that I would text him angrily "Whty have you nto callerd?" and then wait five minutes for his phone call, hear it, ignore, it, and write another message like, "I'm mad amd drnk. You suck."

Finally, I suppose, he got the idea and also resorted to texting me as opposed to calling me. Mostly his messages were, "Huh? What is wrong? NP, pick up your damn phone." And then I would text him back, "No."

Because, you see, I wanted to have a TEXT FIGHT with him, not a PHONE FIGHT. Duh.

This went on for about half an hour. FInally in the end, I was so tipsy, I just passed out in my bed, rolled up in my comforter with sticky hair and bar-smelling clothes, my fingers poised above my half written text message, something to the effect of "I htate you, you should have" When I woke up the next morning, I had 5 missed calls, and a text message that said, "Good Lord. Where the hell are you, woman."

I know. I'm nuts.

*********

Last night, I had a nice talk with Bwoy last night. My immaturity hurt him and I am very sorry for that. Talking to him, as usual, helped. Mostly because we both have analytical minds. I like that about him—he’s not afraid to tell me what’s on his mind, and he usually tells me when I’m doing something wrong. I like that about me too—that I can take it in, absorb, analyze, and assess. I wasn’t always like that. I used to take critisicm really badly, mostly because I had low confidence and hearing outside criticism just compounded that. Now though, I am pretty okay with myself, and really interested in self-improvement.

So now realize that my minibreakdown on my bday was a combination of things. Some of it was family drama, some of it was frustration with work, some of it was stress with my living situation, some of it was stress from a big proposal I had due two days earlier, some of it was the alcohol, and some of it was just pure missing my closest friends. It’s ironic that my bday this year was the lonliest day of the year for me. Maybe because it was then I realized that the pple I really wanted to celebrate it with were far away, across the country. As I grow older, the less I care about having a big bash; I’d rather celebrate it with my good friends, people who I know are glad I was born, and know that I feel the same about them. I’ve become such a curmudgeon with my time.