Roommate troubles

So I had a talk with my roommate. Basically it went something like this:

NP: Um, we need to talk.
RM (nodding head and not looking NP in the eye): Right, I agree.
NP: I've been feelin a lot of tension in the apartment lately and--- (interrupted)
RM (in one loooong breath): ---So here's what I think. I think it's better we keep the common areas as just common areas spaces. I've been getting the feeling you've been really annoyed with me lately and I just can't keep thinking to myself, "are we in friendly banter stage? or are we in casual aquaintance stage? etc" so I can't keep worrying about that, so I think that it's best we just keep this as roommates and nothing more than that, maybe it's just me. (pauses for breath).
NP: Well I--
RM (in another loooong breath): It's just that I've been thinking about this the whole day, and I think that even before I met you, that's what I would want my roommate only to be a roommate kind of situation and nnothing more than that.
NP: Well we can at least be civil to each other. You know, say hi and hello, and be cordial. For my part, I will be friendlier.
RM (frowning, looking at left corner of the room).
NP: Um, is there a problem?
RM: You know, I just don't want it to be more than that. I think we should draw the boundaries as that.
NP: Look, I'm not asking that we be friends or anything; whatever happens, happens. We're very different pple; I'm just saying that we should keep the atmosphere cordial.
RM (nodding, looking to the right of the room): I agree, I agree.
NP: I think you're a great roommate, and since we're living int he same space, it would be best if we act mature.
RM (frowning): Yes, I just don't think it would serve us to be more that that.
NP (exasperated, but keeping tone "civil"): I'm not asking us to be best friends; I'm not looking for one. I just want to know if you're going away for a month, etc. I don't ask you to go out with me or anything, I'm just asking we be civil to each other.
RM (nodding): Yeah, I was upset at you this morning because of the Netflix thing.
NP (internally rolling her eyes): Yeah, *sorry* about that.
RM: Oh no, I totally understand where you were coming from.
NP (opening arms): So can we hug on this.
RM (fidgeting and turning red and moving like a maniac and then laughing loudly): Hahaha! You know I'm really uncomfortable with the touchy-feely thing. Hahaha!
NP (extending hand): Um okay, let's shake hands.
NP shakes RM's rather sweaty hands.
RM (making her nerdy, jerky moves): OKay, I'm going to go back to my room.
NP goes back into her room.
NP: Good lord.

Well, now I'm glad I don't have to deal with Her Annoyingness anymore. The girl is soooo wierd, it used to drive me CRAZY all the time. And always complaining, never asking me abotu my day. Such bad energy. This is so much better=)

Deep thoughts... finally

Bwoy complains I never post enough, which I find really sweet. So I'll post today, although this entry is not very sweet. Or funny. It's just... well, sad.

The past few days have been rough. I don't even know why. It's not like I have an incredible amount of work. I guess I just feel lonely. And I am sort of scared of work... I'm doing well, which I find incredibly weird, and it actually stresses me out. You see, I'm an engineer, and doing well is .... weird. We're really a masochist bunch of people.

There are days when you feel lonely. I have made a total of 2 friends here... my program is so small. And grad school is not really fitting in with me... the people are immature, unprofessional, and socially awkward. The other day, I saw a guy who I had met and had somewhat of a pleasant (although awkward) conversation with. He didn't know what to say to me. That was insulting, and mildly bewildering.

When I lived in NY, I had Bwoy and my best friend, and a bunch of other pple. I could complain, be myself, laugh, joke, and have normal conversations. Here there is nobody. I talk to Bwoy and my best friend on the phone, but that's it. Nobody really to come home to and decompress with (my roommate complains enough, is very highstrung and antisocial so I don't generally like being around her). And Bwoy is so stressed nowadays, sometimes I don't like to talk to him because I don't want to to worry him. So that doesn't work... or am I being selfish?

So I run. Supposedly it helps. And it does, to some extent. I guess seratonin ends up being released. But only for a little while. It's difficult to stave away lonliness, or worse, the feeling of being lost. I can't decide whether it's the feeling of being lost, or just alone. Whatever it is--- lately, that's what I've felt like.

If I could leave here, I'm not sure where I would go. NY? To a broken family, and Bwoy who has not much time or energy with his own busy schedule? To a frenetic city filled with stalkers that I am glad to get away from?

I used to be excited about going back to NY for winter break. I'm not so sure anymore. I think I'd like to abandon my life, go off without telling anyone, into a big field of sunflowers, lie on my back, and gaze at the sky instead.

My day today

What I did today:

Morning
- woke up at 6 to finish up a hw
- turned in half-assed hw at 10 (probably due to the fact i fell back asleep at 6:05, and then woke up at 9:45)
- went to my one class of the day
- worked on another hw due tomorrow. Finito! I know, I'm a genius, dripping with sarcasm.

Afternoon
- came home.
- cooked pasta, tomatoes, okra, with some mustard. Yummy!
- Also watched 50 Celebrity Breakup Countrown on E! That channel is addicting to brianless fools like me.

- Cleaned room. Went from a full blown tornado to a mild tropical thunderstorm.

Evening
- Watched Law and Order, paid bills, set up email server on my pretty new Ibook.

- Called parents, Bwoy, relaxed.

- Studied a bit before bed, thought about how much I miss having friends. And how much I miss Bwoy.

I know. I've turned from a wine-o to a whine-0. HA!