Blech day.

Today was a blue day. I got chewed out by my landlord who thought I was subletting my place. No, I am getting someone to take over my lease, I explained patiently. This all happened while I was showing my apt too! How embarassing. I wanted to scream at the stupid landlord but I was like, whatever. Let me just get out of this hellhole apt. Actually, the apt is very nice. It's just for some reason Verizon has no reception so I end up curled up in the corner of my studio trying to make calls. That corner seems to change in direction all the time, too.

I haven't spoken to Bwoy in so long. He's busy, I know. I guess I just miss him. It doesn't help I haven't seem in in over 2 mos and he's a resident. To make things worse, I'm hanging out with a good friend of mine and her boyfriend. I hate being hte third wheel when I'm in this kind of mood. Seeing them give each other secret looks and laugh at inside jokes is sweet but makes me incredibly sad sometimes. Oh well.

Finally, I've been so unproductive at work. I think that is what kills me. I have basically been taking a vacation this past month. Being lazy is like a spiral-- it just sucks you in. I think part of me is mad at my advisor-- after all that I did for him (busting my butt), he had the audacity to have the most awkward convo with me ever (in a post later). I like the guy. He's brilliant. But it's not comforting to have your former role model telling you you are throwing your life away by going into industry and that it is not that challenging or fulfilling. Hello, most of the world is in industry. Only a small percent are in academia. Do you consider yourself esp blessed to be in academia-- so elitist and annoying. yeah, I know I'm elitist myself.

So today was a blech day and I spent it sleeping, watching The Hills and wishing my life were as pretentious and full of stupid jobs like theirs. Seriously. Their jobs are kinda dumb-- organizing a photo shoot? That seems to include only secretarial work. But I guess I'm jealous because they do get to be near nice clothes and I love fashion secretly. I could never afford it, but I love it. I also spent the day buying unnecessary junk at Starbuchs- soymilk latte and a banana chocolate chip cake. God. I'm so fucking pretentious. And yuppie. All I really want is my mom's rice and daal and to curl up and cry.

But must go out now and be a third wheel. sigh.

p.s. i will write a happy post one day, i promise! i think i never write them because why waste happy days writing? But seriously, NP is not so depressing haha.