Being judgemental

For some reason- maybe because a lot of my friends are twenty-something yr olds- I end up in a lot of conversations that inevitably climax to this:

Friend: Stop judging me, NP.
NP: Woah woah, wait a sec---

or

Friend: I think you're being a little judgemental, NP.
NP: What? What? What do you mean? All I'm saying is--

or

Friend: I'm so different.
NP: You're special, chica.
Friend: I'm so tired of being judged. *SIGH*
NP: (thinking) is she talking about me?

A lot of times this "judging" talk comes from my brown girlfriends who are "different-" i.e., they're not an engineer, consultant, lawyer, or doctor. Or they're not a typical "good indian girl" who projects an image of being virtuous, heterosexual, dates only good indian boys, speaks her parent's language fluently, and fulfills the checklist of name brand colleges and jobs. What is odd is that I've had sessions with these girls where they whine about being judged, and then proceed to judge everyone who judges them (in a very, might I add, viscous manner).

What makes it doubly odd is the whole self-centeredness of it all. I mean, here is my friend, whining about being "judged" by other women, and basically pitying the fact that she is so special and different. Hell0? What am I? Your douchebag? I mean, I'm standing right here, listening to this crap and being sympathetic and all the while, I can feel the subtle insult of the whole conversation. And of course, it inevitably climaxes to an outright slap in the face when she accuses me of being judgemental. Sheesh. Yeah, I am judgemental. But you don't want to know what I'm thinking at this point.

It's human nature to judge. What makes someone a mean human is when they refuse to realize their judgement is superficial and subject to change. For example, I'll have conversations like this:

NP: Lola's friend is cool; let me introduce you to him.
Friend: Eh, he's kinda sketchy.
NP: But you didn't talk to him.
Friend: I can just tell he's sketchy. He has that... sketchy look.
NP: What do you mean?
Friend: NP, the dude is wearing brown shoes with black pants.
NP: And that makes him sketchy?
Friend (in disbelief): Yeah!!

My friends will judge a guy based on stupid superficial things. I don't think they're bad people because of it. What makes me think that they're stupid is when they don't give the guy a chance; in other words, they are not flexible enough to change their judgements.

So that's why all my friends think I'm judgemental.
- Because while they stroke each other's arms, and softly say comforting words like, "I would never judge you," I stay silent.
- When they preface confessions with, "Okay don't judge me, when I tell you this, NP," I stay silent.
- Because when they go off on their tirades against the "bitches who always judge me," and "they're boring and lame anyway," I stay somewhat silent.

Because I do judge. But I'm nice enough to change my judgements, and I'm nice enough to not really let them get in my way. I wouldn't be friends with you otherwise.