Hi Boss, I'm leaving

My conversation with the Big Wig telling her that I was leaving was somewhat... awful. I had planned the speech for an entire day, stealing off to the bathroom at intervals to mutter under my breath various organized sentences, such as "It was such a pleasure to work in this organization, but I feel it is time for me to move on and.... blah blah" I had called Bwoy several times, repeating my speech to him. I had consulted with Mofito about this speech and gotten some edits on what to say, e.g. Mofito advising me to "Look sad!" and then "Stay calm!" and then "Be happy!" Um, okay. She did tell me to tell the Big Wig at the end of the day, around 5:30 when everyone else had left, preferably a Friday. Which I did.

The problem started with the fact that the Big Wig was in meetings ALL day. This made it impossible for me to have the pre-requisite 5 minutes to pace around in my cubicle, take deep breaths, pump myself up, and then walk with determined calm into her office. Instead, I ended up with the opposite.

I had ask the secretary to tell me when Big Wig was out of meetings: several times during the day, the secretary would call me and scream, "NP! SHE'S IN HER OFFICE! GO! NOW!" I'd have to scream in return, "THANKS!!!" slam down the phone, and dash off to the corner office, where- inevitably- the Big Wig was on the phone again. So I'd wander back sadly to my cubicle. Five minutes later, the secretary would scream at me again. And I'd run, and- of course- yet another conference call. Talk about false alarms! Anyway this happened a couple of times, with the secretary's voice becoming very hoarse, until FINALLY I caught the Big Wig in a free moment.

"Yes?" she said, without looking up from her laptop (I hate it when she does that. I've sometimes had whole conversations with her where the entire time her eyes are glued to the bright screen in front of her).
"Um," I gasped.
"I have a conference call in 10 minutes, NP," she said, talking to the laptop.
"Uh," I said.
She looked up from her screen with an icy glare.
I stammered.

I proceeded to stumble, stammer, and fumble my way through my speech. My speech somehow... changed. It twisted and contorted itself into a completely different speech with each raised eyebrow of the Big Wig. Reasons for leaving changed from "pursuing an exciting opportunity" to an utterly false "Bwoy! Uhhh, Bwoy is moving, and I'm following him!" Sentiments changed from "appreciation for giving me this opportunity to work here at my first job" to "Um, maybe I can come back!" With each mutated sentence, I sunk lower and lower into my well of lies. In the end, the Big Wig thinks I am leaving for a boy, and that I intend to come back to the company after 2 years. Somehow I have transformed myself into a solid, bright career woman, into somewhat of a wannabe housewife who is very unsure of what she wants to do.

*Sigh*

This awful wreck of a speech taught me an important lesson: it is best NOT to think of a speech in moments like these. Just say what's on your mind, be simple, and don't make it such a big deal. Ahhh, NP. You did it again.